The 5 Worst Things About Boca Raton

I was born in Brooklyn and raised in Miami but when my then fiancée finished college we moved to her hometown of Boca Raton. Anything north of Ft. Lauderdale might as well be Disney World, Iraq or Canada as far as anyone from Miami is concerned. Miamians are not really that self-absorbed we’re just simply lazy when it comes to driving on a highway for more than 40 minutes. After 8 years of living in the ol’ “mouth of the rat” here are some of the things I’ve learned to live with.

Senior Drivers

Photo from: http://severns.com

Photo from: Severns.com

The scariest part of living in Boca Raton is driving.  According to the U.S. Census over 20% of the population is over the age of 65. I’d argue that the U.S. Census is wrong, the percentage is more along the lines of 75% and that’s over the age of 85. Your life is in constant peril as countless senile, drugged up fossils weave through traffic.  I know that sounds mean, but someone who doesn’t know where they’re standing should not be allowed to be behind the wheel of a vehicle.

Quebec / New York Drivers

Photo by WWE.

Photo by WWE

A lot of the frustration in this town revolves around driving. Boca turns into the DMV driving test for folks who do not regularly drive. You can’t live your entire life in NYC riding the subway and then decide to vacation in Florida to learn to drive for 4-6 months out of the year. As for the Quebecers, even the real Canadians can’t stand them.

Rich $nob Syndrome

maserati_ddabb3698b16eeed8a61fd1043984ed4

Every asshole driving a BMW 3-series thinks that they own you. Here’s a clue asshole, no one gives a shit about your entry-level “luxury” vehicle. The problem is that this is Boca, home of keeping up with the Joneses times infinity. If their Ponzi scheme pans out they graduate to what I call Maserati douchebags. You’ll see these at local restaurants around Boca and Delray Beach, they stink of really expensive cologne, tip 5% or less and wear designer $300 t-shirts.

FAU Students

Official seal of Florida Atlantic University

Official seal of Florida Atlantic University

They give you hope for this town; a truly smart bunch of young minds that tend to be polite and overall awesome. Then you realize that they’re leaving this godforsaken place the second the ink dries on their diplomas.

Whole Foods

Wholefoods-Boca-Raton---Florida

If Dante Alighieri were alive today he’d scrap his 14th century epic poem “Inferno” and rename it –“Whole Foods (Boca Raton.)” On Glades Road just east of Interstate 95 is a shopping plaza where Satan planted his pitch-fork into the ground and claimed it for Hell. Full of a constant flow of rich self-absorbed assholes, zero parking, rude residents and annoying hippies I dare you find a shittier place on earth.

Share this story:
1
The following two tabs change content below.

Chuck Livid

Chuck Livid hails from Miami, Florida. He did a zine in the '90s called Muddy Chaos and is best known for his work with independent music label Livid Records. Chuck lives in Boca Raton, Fl with his wife illustrator Helena Garcia and their son Nico. He founded TuffGnarl.com and hosts TuffGnarl.com's official music podcast - Another Music Podcast which is available on iTunes & Google Play

22 comments

  • the last part about Whole foods is hysterical and I agree 100%….I hate that place!!!! ridiculously overpriced bullshit… wtf.

  • What about town center mall?! That place is the worst

  • go the fuck back to Brooklyn and stop bitching about our city.

  • Haha and don’t forget about all of the fish looking women that are addicted to the knife of plastic surgery!

  • Youre right this place sucks. I’m from Tampa. Boca makes I4 drivers look good. I’ll be gone before the ink dries.

  • Only in the Boca town center mall have I ever seen a dog fight break out in the middle if the shoe dept at Nordstrom. Seriously- a Maltese in a stroller vs. a lasa on a lap

  • As someone who commutes to Boca every day for work, I say you pretty much nailed it. Though, to hear someone from Miami complain about drivers in other towns is hilarious. Anything south of Ives Dairy is like dodging motor fire.

  • mortar – damn spell-check

  • Boca is a love/hate relationship. I live within a mile of Town Center mall, and can corroborate pretty much everything as true. Also had FAU students renting house across the street, trashed it, and left right after graduation. Then Lynn U. students. The pretentious snob types that wouldn’t even pick up newspapers. They left right after graduation and trashing the place. One thing you forgot is the Super SUV driving moms on phones at school pickup time. I won’t go out on the road for 2 hours in fear for my life. The Palmetto Park / Yamato section of I-95 is now a constant scene of carnage. We welcome tourists, then can not wait for them to leave. //endrant

  • I love living in Boca Raton, however it was voted the rudest town in the world. Thats very true and crazy

  • I won’t take Glades road from the turnpike to 95 during season

  • Hey Mr “Livid” I’m a transplant from up north who lives in Boca Raton. My family & I love it here! Just yesterday I had to defend a 94 year old woman from a selfish jerk like you. This woman and many like her contributed immensely to the country & to the city of Boca Raton. I won’t sit back & watch you & your wannabe likes bully them because you’re consumed with jealousy. They contribute more to Boca Raton than you or anyone ever will in your lifetime. So what if they have more money than you? They don’t have your money. What do you want with the people who drive BMW 3 series? Not everyone acquired their wealth by Ponzi scheme. How did you get yours? Don’t go to Whole Foods then whine about the price! And… How do you know so much about what Satan does & exactly where he planted his fork? Ha! I could see you there giving everyone “the look'”. That next time you see the pitch fork you should go ahead & take it with you- mark your own territory on your property. May I suggest Ocala for you & your lovely family? It’s a beautiful place with lots of space, less luxury cars, less $nobs, less traffic & the best part is you can grow your own “whole foods”. Don’t hate!

  • Leeana is another example of a big mouth from the north living in Boca Raton and giving truth to the bad behavior that is so well known here.

  • You people complaining about Boca need to take a look at yourselves, stop whining and MOVE AWAY if you hate Boca so much. I love Boca and just avoid the spots that may be less than friendly rather than focus all my energy on them. I go to the beach, beautiful parks, nature trails, etc. and realize how fortunate I am to live here rather than up North in the cold. As far as shopping, Publix, Farmers markets and family owned restaurants tend to have genuinely nice people. It’s all in the way YOU are affected by your surroundings- I tend to focus on all the good my city has to offer… and there are a lot of wonderful things.

  • Well that was entertaining to say the least including the responses! There is good and bad everywhere but the big thing that is within our control is having choices….we can choose everything except who we were born to! So based on having the choice to live in Boca, you can choose to look at the things that are bad or the things that could be good. This article is your way of expressing the bad but with some humor to it which I am not offended by at all. I live west and don’t deal with alot of the east Boca traffic, trials and tribulations. I make sure I don’t put myself in harms way when I do go to the most populated places as I have a choice not to. I was born in Brooklyn, grew up in Long Island, loved NY and now love Boca but that’s just my perception. I like Canadians no matter what part they are from as they live on either side of me and are never around throughout most of the year. FAU keeps the town young, Whole Foods serves a purpose for the health conscious but not my choice necessarily, Senior drivers are everywhere in a state that caters to retirement so its part of where we have chosen to live and keep in mind, one day we will be one of them…lol The rich snobs…well God Bless them for all they have as I love seeing all the leased Bentley’s in town. I also have a friend who could write a similar post about every part of Delray with the crazy, rude people there. Just one trip to the “Brothers” Market and you will have a years worth of articles! lol I am grateful for the beauty that surrounds me and view the unpleasant stuff like going to the zoo….you still want to go to see the animals but you know not to feed them or you might get bitten!!!! Thanks for the entertaining read!

  • The other day, I went out for breakfast with friends. There were 6 of us at a table for 8 (this particular restaurant has 2-tops, 4-tops, and 8-tops). A couple tried to SIT DOWN WITH US at the table, informing us that it was a communal table (we’d put our names on a list and waited, just like everyone else). When we kindly told them that they were welcome to the extra chairs but could not sit with us, they had a really difficult time comprehending that we wouldn’t just let them sit in the extra two spots at our table and they’d have to wait like everyone else. The next 20 minutes, we received the death stare from one or the other of them pretty much non-stop. This is when my friends (visiting from out of town) asked why I live in Boca.

    There are good things too, and I’m glad I moved here (closer to work and school), but the bad stuff is just ridiculous!

  • I got out of South FL three years ago. The only thing I miss is the diversity and the sunshine. Boca Raton is one of the worst places on the planet. There are generations of plastic women with puffy lips, fake boobs and nasally, whiny voices running rampant in that town. The kids are HORRIBLE. They are spoiled, ugly (pre-surgeries) and obnoxious. Everyone is either running a scam or trying desperately to get in on one. The mouth of the rat attracts the lowest of lifeforms. If I ever met a nice person living in Boca Raton, I would question their judgement or their sanity. It really is just a shiny, expensive place filled with crap.

  • This is spot on, but could have gone on so much longer!! I got the F out of Boca after 3 years there, it’s like living in a bubble of Hell, and not bc it’s hot. The only thing I miss about Boca is Publix, and I can avoid Boca and still find a Publix! I love the people bitching at you, you obviously struck a personal nerve with your succinct descriptions!

  • What about the Bocahontas? She’s that particular breed of boca bitch who shops at Saks and then returns everything. She’s overly tan and reeks of angel perfume. Still. Shops in her daughters closet, who is always coincidentally 16 and usually an ‘
    “amazing” singer. She will then proceed to show you shitty youtube videos you don’t want to watch of her singing at her million dollar bat mitzvah.

Leave a Reply