Abel’s 4000 Albums That Matter: Part Forty-Six

Today is Thursday – meaning I’ve been moved from my usual Sunday timeslot by the TuffGnarl.com overlords. I feel like a sitcom that’s either incredibly crappy or ahead of its time. I know for a fact which of those I’ve become but no pink slip has been slipped beneath the doors of digital perception.

We’ll see how long before the jig is up. What are your thoughts on khaki pants? I just can’t seem to find a pair that fits me right.

PearlJamTen

700. Pearl Jam – Ten. I get it, there are five hands on the cover and eleven tracks on the disc. That’s funny. Was Pearl Jam theorizing that one song, track number six, or rather, “The Pearl Jam Song That Shall Not Be Named” would one day become so maligned by the band? I can’t stand the freaking thing myself and am quite happy that they’ve summarily executed it from their live sets. Everything else though is good. My parents had a house in the ‘90s that had a pool. I can remember sitting in the water in those rare, calm South Florida afternoons, humming “Even Flow.” Have you noticed how it doesn’t rain as much during the summer anymore?

GeorgeClintonCompGames

701. George Clinton – Computer Games. The grand-pappy of cool, the smooth king of chicken bone rattling, the funkiest seer of funky futures might get all his accolades from contemporary “cool” types but in this, his first venture as a solo dude, freed from the notions of what Parliament, Funkadelic and even P-Funk… wait, who am I kidding? Isn’t like a third of the 50-odd musicians from his collective on this record anyways? This 1982 technology-driven platter might sound a little dated in production value but good Lord is it funky. You can trust Clinton to do it right. Regardless of grouping, decade or levels of funksterization. That’s a real word by the way, look it up dickie.

ToriAmosBoysforPele

702. Tori Amos – Boys for Pele. In 1959, Pelé scored for his team, Santos, what is widely believed to have been the most beautiful goal of his career against Brazilian side Clube Atlético Juventus. It was never filmed, but based upon witness description and a request by the Legend Himself, it was recreated using computer animation for the documentary Pelé Eterno. Boy was I exhilarated when Tori Amos dropped this album in 1996 celebrating O Rei’s legacy! More like, boy was I disappointed that this had nothing to do with footie! I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s an enjoyable disc by Amos with some nice songs and an interesting, surreal patina in the album’s artwork… but it has nothing to do with the Pérola Negra, the Rei do Futebol. And imagine that! The album title refers to a Hawaiian volcano goddess… now why would the Hawaiians name one of their goddesses after the King? Actually, don’t answer that, I’m technically not that stupid/ignorant – just baiting some awkward laughs.

WhamMakeitBig

703. Wham! – Make it Big. Love ‘em or leave ‘em, George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley (invariably known as “The Other Dude in Wham!) made some fun pop music that will forever be entwined into the fabric of the ‘80s. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t like them, we challenge you to sit still while “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” plays on the hi-fi. It’s impossible. And you know, there were seven more songs on the LP, seven! Also fun! “Careless Whisper” anyone?

bongzillaMixedBag

704. Bongzilla – Mixed Bag. One quick guess concerning the contents of the “mixed bag” will place all conclusions within the context of 420 abuse. I can’t think of a musical entity, past or present (except maybe Snoop and Wiz Khalifa), who loves weed as much as these guys. That they enjoyed a certain amount of productivity and consistency has defied imagination and my notions of logic and structured order since they dropped this sludge doom EP back in ’96. Complete chaos! These dudes truly exhibited the gargantuan nature of the portmanteau of their moniker, no easy feat I’m sure. After 14 years trucking through life’s bongs and rolled-up party favors, they went on “hiatus” in 2009. Maybe the slacking finally caught up with them. Maybe.

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Abel Folgar

Scoundrel, bon vivant, rocanrolero, fútbol cretin... giving into flights of poesy whenever the whiskey's free. Caracas, VZ/Miami, FL. Follow me on Twitter @abelf77.

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