THE BREIT MARK FACTOR – I’LL TAKE ’80S SITCOMS FOR $500, ALEX
From pundits and politicians to the Trumpsters and progressives, I feel like punching America in the throat. This must be a fucking Twilight Zone episode or at the very least some M. Night Shyamalan midnight movie.
I’ve actually missed my deadline for this column twice this week because of the constant all-hells-breaking-loose news alerts splashing across my screen.
But I’m happy to announce that we all can finally have some peace of mind knowing that Mexico and Australia have been firmly put in their place.
I find myself having so much to say and yet completely paralyzed with every 15 minute Trump news cycle. It’s like having irritable bowel syndrome with a bad case of constipation.
I got so much shit inside that won’t come out.
But with the xanax kicking in while I’m 4 songs deep into Hüsker Dü’s New Day Rising, it seems that I just may have enough time to blow through this weekly round up before Trump inevitably invades Haiti.
Last week, we went over king baby’s mighty pen to paper executive orders. 14 signatures for 14 big mouth promises that have all nearly deflated like Trump’s bestie Tom Brady’s balls. The federal courts have issued injunctions on both the refugee issue and the 7 Muslim countries human ban. Protests, both politically and socially, have caused rollbacks and revisions in most of the other Orders.
We still have some uphill battles with issues like the Keystone XL and Dakota Access Pipelines, as well as some of the newer shit show E.O.’s he’s signed this week. Truth be told, Trump and the administration he is building are going to be a fucking mess.
Things will not be okay for a very long time.
Regardless of your feelings about the election results and the debate about the popular vs. electoral counts, remember, half of the United States voted for this dick and those voters couldn’t be happier.
…this truth is much more worrisome than his temper tantrums with CNN.
NEW EXECUTIVE ORDERS
Restrictions on Lobbying
The initial idea behind lobbyists was to give small and powerless special interest groups the ability to express their concern to the D.C. lawmakers. The idea, in theory, is a decent one. Having a conversation with congressmen and senators to sway them into supporting your cause isn’t an easy task. Enlisting professional negotiators to fight on your behalf seems legit.
Take one of the first documented examples of Lobbying, the hiring of William Hull by the Virginia Veterans of the Continental Army in 1792. Mr. Hull’s job was to speak to the newly formed Congress to get additional compensation for these veterans. That’s a commendable issue to speak up for.
Soon enough, though, special interest groups with large sums of money recognized that they could squash certain rights and restrictions by currying favor with politicians using gifts and money. In the 1850s, Samuel Colt, the Colt 45 guy (the guns not the beer, you buncha drunks) passed out guns as gifts to lawmakers to get their patent extended.
Lobbying now is just a big cesspool of shit. Politicians often get hired immediately after leaving office as lobbyists for corporations. This isn’t a partisan problem either because both democrats and republicans abuse the shit out of this.
We Get It Mark, WTF Does It Mean?
With the signing of this order, employees of the executive branch are barred from lobbying the agency where they worked for at least five years. The order does not seem to be too concerned with executive branch employees taking jobs in the private sector, though.
Under the new rules, employees can take private sector jobs and lobby the administration just as long as they do not have the title of Lobbyist.
The Obama, Bush, and Clinton administrations had two-year bans on any employee being able to lobby the administration.
Restructuring the National Security Council
In 1947, President Truman created the National Security Council under the National Security Act. Truman was an ass and surrounded himself with like-minded fools who were hellbent on being pricks to the USSR. Certain administration officials felt that the diplomacy of the State Department wasn’t strong enough in dealing with Stalin.
Sound familiar? Diplomacy in the eyes of President Truman was that we had the atom bomb and no one else did so fuck all of you.
The council’s main function throughout the years has been to advise the president on national security and foreign policies. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Director of National Intelligence have always been at the center of this group.
Who better than these guys to advise the president on national security you might ask?
Well, according to Trump and his amazical sharpie magic, the White House Chief Strategist and full-time racist asshole, Steve Bannon, is.
In an unprecedented act, Donald J Trump has replaced the fucking Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Director of National Intelligence on the National Security Council with an unelected and unconfirmed member of his administration.
Expanding Regulatory Review
This order is intended to fulfill Trump’s campaign promise to reduce regulations and cut corporate taxes. The crux of this order aims to cut two existing regulations for each new regulation proposed.
It would also give zero dollars for new regulations in 2017.
Conservatives have always maintained that deregulation is awesome yet historically, deregulation causes lots and lots of painful economic, environmental, and social woes.
Reagan did it in the ’80s and fucked the economy up within four years. He literally had to go back and repeal a ton of shit after he won re-election in 1984. He finally realized it wasn’t helping anything or anyone.
Bill Clinton was a deregulating headcase in the ’90s and it sucked. It didn’t hurt the economy but his deregulation of the entertainment industry put every type of media into a whirlwind of corporate takeovers.
I voted for Clinton twice and he is one of the main reasons radio and print media sucks today.
George W. Bush was having deregulation parties every night and pretty much got us as close to laissez-faire capitalism as we’ve ever been. I think we all pretty much know how that turned out for us.
DON’T GO BREAKING MY HEART, LIBERAL LOVER
As I’ve stated many times, I am a liberal. I am to the left of progressives but I am not an anarchist. I am a student of the writings of Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn. In my opinion, I dig Robert Reich more than I do Paul Krugman.
Liberals are becoming too self-righteous in their beliefs and the way they are expressing them. This is not the time to become hypocritical. Don’t tell me about freedom of speech and then riot at a college campus because some ignorant jackass has a speaking engagement he was asked to do.
If there is one fucking place where extreme ideologies should have a safe space to expose themselves, it should be at a college. I think Milo Yiannopoulos is a fool. He desperately needs attention and in an age where YouTube videos, retweets, and Facebook likes dictate one’s self-worth, Milo Yiannopoulos tows the line of the new model of American fame.
Like professional wrestlers, Mr. Yiannopoulos had to choose between being a hero or a villain. He chose to be a villain and he has been mother fucking great at it. The insanity that a guy like him can infiltrate a subculture who would literally burn him at the stake if they had a chance to, is absolutely brilliant.
He’s an idiot.
But fuck Berkley too. Total douchebag move to cancel him. If the school wasn’t prepared for the consequences of having this cat speak then they should have postponed it. Gather up a little more security for the next appearance and let that prick speak.
If liberal activists wanna shut down a guy like Yiannopoulos they should do it anywhere other than a campus. It’s bullshit. We get all pissy when the conservatives get in our face when we have a socialist or athiest ideological thinkers speaking yet we are going to have a fit because of some alt.right asshole spreading stupidity?
Don’t be a hypocrite, man.
VIOLENCE IS AS VIOLENCE DOES
Civil disobedience and passive resistance have always played a significant role in most civil, economical, or social rights movements. The resistance and protests of the Dakota Sioux Tribe in response to the Dakota Access pipeline had successful results but that isn’t always the case.
Take a look at the boycotts and protests against Chick Fil A’s stance on Marriage Equality. It really didn’t faze the owner Daniel T. Cathy. Mr. Cathy still stands by his beliefs and his companies publicly stated opinions.
What if you never had the chance to be heard? What if you are being ignored by your representatives or the greater portion of society? Is throwing a brick through a window of Starbucks in 2017 really any different than throwing a bunch of tea overboard in 1772?
Throughout history, movements have often resorted to violence to get their rightful place at the table. Suffragettes had many violent protests and even some terrorist tendencies. The Workers Unions had plenty of violent uprisings during their own struggle for fair and stable wages.
Let us not forget though, Nat Turner and his misguided violence in the name of freedom from slavery.
Some could argue Sam Adams was a terrorist. He certainly wasn’t a pacifist.
I am not a fan nor proponent of smacking people around or destroying private property in the name of justice. I am merely stating that violent uprisings have been a long-standing tradition in this country on both sides of the ideological spectrum.
Let’s not get ourselves all freaked out because some garbage cans and cop cars caught on fire.
WAG THE DOG
Don’t be fooled by the shiny shit the Trump administration is dangling in front of you. Keep your eye on the real underbelly of the policies being brought forth. The Republican platform is not that far off from where Trump stands on just about everything. I keep hearing this talk about moderate and normal Conservatives.
Trump is going to get legislation passed that will hurt social welfare. It will eliminate the compassion that this country needs and had been moving towards.
Here are some things you should be worrying about more than Milo Yiannopoulos and a hang-up call with Australia.
The Impending Budget Proposal
Mounting signs suggest that the forthcoming Trump budget may contain cuts harsher than those in House GOP budgets of recent years, which themselves would have slashed programs and services across much of the budget.
The Republican majority on the House Budget Committee last spring, approved a budget that of $6 trillion in domestic cuts. The budget would have slashed non-defense programs by $1 trillion causing tens of millions of people to lose basic support. It also would have cut programs for people with low incomes by roughly $3.7 trillion. Yet signs show already that those unprecedented cuts may not be enough for the Trump Administration.
These cuts will have devastating effects on millions of poor and middle-income families that rely on many of these services. Education, highways and mass transit, child nutrition, rental subsidies, clean water and health care through Medicaid will all feel the belt being tightened to the point of suffocation.
The Trump budget is going to be the largest Robin Hood-in-reverse proposal from any President in modern U.S. history. This will shift substantial amounts of income from the poor and middle class to those who already possess enormous wealth.
DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE
As much of a joke Trump is, he’s got some pretty evil motherfuckers around him. The ludicrous situations we wake up to every morning are nothing more than the Freak Show tent at the County Fair. Do not be fucking worried about tweets or phone calls or where Melania Trump has been hiding.
These should not and cannot be your concern.
While the emperor is busy nailing our allies to the wall and berating millions of people around the world, Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell are hard at work setting up a flurry of policies that will destroy this economy while Steve Bannon is holding court at the center of the National Security Council. This administration is full of professional sleight of hand practitioners.
They don’t want you to stop debating Trumpsters and conservatives about alternative facts and Mexican walls. These people will get very close to ruining your life for an extremely long time.
You must rise above the bullshit interviews with Kellyanne Conway. It is imperative that you insert that grain of salt into your mouth if you choose to watch White House spokesperson Sean Spicer’s press briefings.
These folks will keep throwing so much shit at your television in hopes that you won’t see what’s behind the curtain. If Dorothy and her gang of misfits could pull back the curtain to reveal the wizards true identity then so can you punk rock mother fuckers.
Keep calm, drink some coffee and listen to some punk rock… but most of all stop being fucking hypocrites, man.
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