How could I explain what The Wife Beaters sound like without making you want to puke all over yourselves? If you took Mike Ness and punched him in the throat as hard as possible, then provided him with a backing band that consisted of mentally retarded men who were born without limbs, you’d have The Wife Beaters.
In 2012 I called their sophomore album Hit ‘Em Again! “The worst album in recent memory” and “A sad state of affairs in the world of rock n’ roll.”
Back in December The Wife Beaters lost founding member Lew Lewis to cancer (I won’t joke on that because losing a friend is never a funny matter, especially to such a horrible disease). But after the loss, the band announced that they were releasing yet another album with a new guitarist. I finally took notice, unfortunately the music still sucked. These guys have a lot of heart where it counts and they can also take a roasting like Pamela Anderson’s asshole can take a 18 inch Polish kielbasa (that’s 45.7 cm to all our non-USA friends).
Who founded the Wife Beaters?
Vic Vitol and Lew Lewis. But we were guided by a higher being, which spoke to us during an infamous Burgerville ‘acid trip’ BBQ. We’re sure Ted Nugent was there but we only have bullet holes and teeth marks as evidence.
Why didn’t you stop after the first song was written?
We knew we had worse to offer. The first tune was unintentionally catchy, and some of the trailer park dudes started singin’ along. We’ve been searchin’ for the ultimate low ever since.
Have you ever been in a fight solely based on how shitty your music was?
Well we’ve had to fight our way outta some venues…like the time we agreed to support Enya – never thought she’d have such violent fans. But Alex Anger only got into this band ‘cos we met him at a knife-fight, so it don’t scare us. It’s like urban legend here in Burgerville, man.
Is your new album as uninspiring as your last two?
‘The Beat Goes On!’ is probably our worst album to date. We’ve stretched the generic mediocrity out to a full 17 tedious tracks this time around, just to punish the fools who are drunk enough to buy it at our shows. We put literally no effort into writing it, but hell, we’re already preparing for the next chapter. Keep your eyes and ears closed next spring. Or maybe summer – depending on whether we can keep Jimmy Jail outta the State Pen.
Regarding your logo, has Warner Brothers sent you a cease and desist letter? If they did would you stop playing music?
We’re still waiting for that knock on the trailer door.
How are things in “Burgerville”?
They call it the pits and removed it from the maps, but we got cheap liquor, cheap strip joints and one hell of a game reserve. If you like shootin’, drinkin’ and women, it’s the trailer park for you. But don’t you forget, we’re the toughest gang in town.
All joking aside, few bands are as persistent as you guys… at sucking. How do you do it?
We don’t know how we do it. A strict diet of dirty drugs and dangerous moonshine? Whatever it is, people seem to hate us right out the bag. And the more they loathe us the more we love ’em.
Have any of you actually gotten pussy from playing this garbage?
Eddie Eval swears he hooked up with some broad in Milwaukee last month, but when he came back he was twenty bucks lighter and didn’t speak for a week.
“We Don’t Care” repeatedly states “We don’t care what anybody says… if we suck”. Does that mean the first song on your first album acknowledges that you knew you sucked?
Yeah, pretty much man. We had a hoot the night it got played on MTV.
What’s the best way to beat your wife?
In the divorce court.
Stream ‘The Beat Goes On!’ below. Buy it (or not) at iTunes, Spotify or CD Baby– or at http://thewifebeaters.bandcamp.com
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